All in my head

Yesterday was an emotional see-saw (and that was only during the first 10 minutes of conciousness).

While in the shower, I was contemplating what cycle day I was on. This the mental conversation that followed:

Me: Let's see, day 21 blood work was a week ago last Tuesday, so today is... day 33?

Hope Addict: Holy crap, you're pregnant!

Me: Shut up Hope! I am not. It's just the diet that's messing with my cycle.

Hope: Yes you are! And you're due in December! You'll have your baby before your two year trying to conceive anniversary! Isn't that great?!?!

Me: Shut up Hope, or I'll make you shut up! And lose the exclamation points will you?They're getting on my nerves.

Hope (whispering): Just go get an HPT, please. Do it for me, okay?

Me (grabbing Hope by the throat and only releasing my hands when she turns a lovely shade of purple.): I told you to shut up! Get out of my shower!

Hope *slinking away wet and gasping for air*

Me: Whew, at least that's over with!

Infoholic Witch: Hope told me congratulations are in order!

Me: I am not pregnant!

IW: Are you sure? Too bad you didn't get that rubella vaccine while you had the chance, huh? Those birth defects sure will be a real bummer.

Me: Can't you hear a word I say? I am not pregnant!

IW: So you are getting the vaccine, right? What about those side effects? Are you really ready to risk brain damage and/or deafness?

Me (through gritted teeth): Go. Away. Now.

Suddenly, the PMS Demon rushes to my rescue!

PMS Demon: Get out Info Witch! It's my turn to torment her!

IW *shaking fists angrily at PMS Demon*: I'll be back next cycle!

Me *lying on bathroom floor clutching abdomen as PMS Demon proceeds to remind me that I am indeed, not pregnant*

As of right now, my period is still MIA, but judging by the strength of these cramps, it won't be much longer now.

PS: I got a note from Hope this morning. Apparently yesterday's incident resulted in a hospital stay for her. "Even though you tried to kill me, I still love you. That's why I've decided not to press charges against you. I'll be back as soon as the doctors are sure I can breathe on my own."

Comments

[Karen]

I hope it's not all in your head, and that HopeAddict was right. Won't you be contrite then!

While you're at it, send that PMS demon back to the infernal fires of hell.

[Monique]

ROFL!

I am sorry you had such a tough morning! Hope has been permanently banned from my house! After hundreds of dollars in HPT's I had to do something. So, I called my local DA and got a restraining order.

[Christina]

I would love to have her proved right, but I'm not sure she'd survive after the inevitable "I told you so!"

Hmmmm, a restraining order might not be a bad idea...